I used to be a healthy man who exercised 2-3 hours a day.I loved to have cocktails and eat like a horse. I had no real stress in my life even though I was faced with the usual problems that are associated with life in America (divorce, crime, Money worries etc ).
Then one day I was rushed to the ER for a nasty GB attack.I was ill in a big way and the Bone cutters told me that a simple snip would cure all that ailed me.
Once again the old adage appeared “” If it sounds to good to be true….. ) I did not follow this advice. I let them cut and in that action became someone broken.
The author Thomas McGuane said it best “”I felt like the night had written a check that daylight could not cash “” The first days after the operation were a portent for the hell that has followed.
PAIN-so much pain and a pesky need to vist the water closet 30 times a day so that a murk of acid (it actually sizzles as it hits the water ..YUCK !) could be expelled with the force and audacity of a round of grapeshot leaving the cannon barrel.
Percocet does not even touch that kind of misery when you compound it with deep searing and stabbing gut pain. What an introduction to my new life! The snake oil men (doctors) told me it was all in my head after their voodoo doll pokings produced no finite information for them to digest and spit back.
I was then sent to the Head shrinkers who sent me away with a suitcase full of antidepressents and an order to stop taking painkillers ( the s… even went so far as to convince my other doctors to cut me off.
I wonder if he even considered the 10 bathroom trips I made during the session or how I sat sweating from side pain as he lectured me on how it was all in my head ?)
I found out later that he is some kind of antidrug super stormtropper who feels that God is the only drug you need to combat pain, cancer or otherwise( You must know by now that I live south of the Mason-Dixon line in an area not to far from the snake handling for religous purposes capital of the world.
Dont get me wrong, as Mr Lennon once sang ‘Whatever gets you through the night is alright with me…. “”
I’m just saying that things are a bit conservative down in these parts. Sorry about the rambling. Now as I stated in my first e-mail, I am without medical care, money, and hope.
However, I am going to try a Liver Flush and change my diet more than I have already. I have found that alcohol, butter, cream, spicy foods and fruit almost kill me.
I have tried fasting for 3-4 days taking in only water but the symptoms still exist even with no food intake at all.
I think I could make it if only the pain would go away. I could somehow live with the frequent bathroom trips if only the pain would fade like smoke being sucked up a chimney.
No miracles here only the reality of being an ill person in a health and youth oriented republic. I don’t, no I refuse to feel sorry for myself!
I have life good when I compare it to other lives Ive seen or read about. Im not in the Sudan being raped or killed by the Janjaweed. Im not throwing rocks against tanks in some hivelike arid city somewhere. I am an american and that one fact makes me a hell of a lot luckier than most in this world.
Illness or no illness!!!!!
Sorry about all the asides and rambling. This note is a letter of thanks to all who responded to my original e-mail.
Thanks again for your concern.”